Bottomline: let’s not even mention the fact that his mother praises his high school sweetheart when she compares her cooking to our bride’s barely there Ugali,yes its not even worth being labelled half cooked.
It, supposedly, the best day of your life, your mother is crying on some expensive linen kerchief specifically bought from some posh shop for this very purpose, your father grumpy in the back seat of the car, his hair closely cropped, and his favorite stripped shirt and cotton pants exchanged for the three piece suit he had to endure hours of measurement taking for a perfect fitting. It’s not just any day; it’s your wedding day.
Something blue
Before the pseudo- rosy affair, there were several challenges that our millennial bride had to endure. Hell hath no fury, they say, like a woman’s scorn. However, in the case of bridezilla, hell was probably on steroids. From trying to convince her father that the droopy eyed, no-doctorate-having man was good enough for her, to the florist with an attitude who simply does not understand ‘Roses the color of the blood of my enemies’, she has been given enough reasons to stab everyone on sight who confuses light purple with lilac. Most see a color obsessed maniac who needs to put a ring on her finger and get it over with, but the very few keen eyed people would realize that this is the result of several years of chick flicks mixed with judgmental frenemies, garnished with a dash of social conditioning.
Something borrowed
It is December. This is not a random reminder of the current month, it’s more of the sirens notifying you that the girl you have been leading on for the past several years finally wants you to make an honest woman out of her( as if matrimony has any effect whatsoever on her truthfulness, but I digress). December is international lingo for ‘let’s get married fool’, it is in the universal handbook ‘Understanding Women’ and if you have not gotten your copy, do not worry, the rest of the male population have the same concern. She will use everything she can get her hands on to make you aware of her wishes, so if you get a knitted sweater adorned with “put a ring on it already” for Christmas, do not say I did not warn you.
Something old
Before the exchange of rings, understand that our millennial bride went through hell for this day to be a reality. It all started with staying with him despite the rumors that he had a few giggles in some corner with that pretentious secretary he works with, let’s not even mention the fact that his mother praises his high school sweetheart when she compares her cooking to our bride’s barely there Ugali,yes its not even worth being labelled half cooked. To ice the whole affair, we will not even mention the fact that he leaves the tooth paste without a cap. It is therefore, of least concern, that the brides wedding could not reach the royal splendor she had dreamt of due to poor contribution of her future in-laws towards the wedding, it is without a doubt, certainly not their fault.
Something new
At last you are victorious, you end up being the lucky girl who tricks some boy into sharing his home (and if he files for a divorce, half his possession) with you. However, this is not the end. Be ready for late night calls to his phones, his drunken weekly escapades and in-laws who expect you to have seventeen children for each of the letters in his three names, speaking of in-laws………
